Femme Tears

By Lucy Stoecklin

There's no one right way to be a woman. Women in the LGBTQ community identify in a multitude of ways, celebrating amongst themselves - expressing who they truly are and loving who they love.

But what’s the deal with femmes? You know, the women you always assume are into men based on their appearance alone.

Femme simply means “woman” in French. But during the 1950s, the working-class lesbian bar scene used the word to describe lesbian women who express a traditionally feminine identity.

Their hair? Done. Their nails? Painted. Their face? BEAT.

Because femmes assume feminine gender traits and appearances, it’s possible that femme lesbians can pass as straight. So what’s their role in the LGBTQ community if femme lesbians aren’t contributing to the destruction of the patriarchy by turning their stilettos into daggers? Can femme women have a presence in a space that is actively abandoning age old gender roles and stereotypes?

The simple answer is OF COURSE THEY CAN! So then why are lesbian women still experiencing femmephobia?

It could be a form of backlash from their community for not defying traditional gender traits. I mean, if you haven’t worn a snapback and vest combo, can you really call yourself a lesbian? Have you even shaved the side of your head, ONCE?

It’s obvious that LGBTQ+ people celebrate going against social norms even in the face of public ridicule, shame, and sometimes disgust. Being a part of that community means that you can share your sexual and gender identity without feeling like an alien invading a dogmatic world.

The thing is, women have dealt with their femininity being deemed inferior to their counterparts’ masculinity. There was no place for the feminine in any real economic or political sphere for literal centuries. The realms in which women and men dwelled were completely separated, and it’s no secret which one had any social power at all. Patriarchal hegemony allowed for the continuation of female oppression by making sure that people were socially conditioned to believe that women were incapable of having the leadership and intellectual traits required to be involved in politics - especially if she dressed or acted in a certain manner.

So let’s not continue that shit, alright? Presenting femininity does not make you any less of a lesbian, or a man, or a feminist, or a part of your community. Femininity does not equal inferiority! Find whatever style makes you feel like an absolute queen and run with it.

In a time where people use labels in an effort to let their identity be known, consider that those identities don’t always look the same. Some women feel empowered in their prettiest dress and highest heels - and for some, this is their way of taking back what was once considered lesser, but for others, it just feels good - and It’s okay to want to feel pretty! Women and men can present themselves in whatever way they see true without infringing upon their sexual or gender identity. Just because a woman chooses to express herself by channeling her inner Grace Kelly doesn’t make her any less of a lesbian.

There is nothing wrong with being normal, or going against the grain for that matter. But to assume ANYTHING about ANYONE based on their appearance alone is debilitating to society, to say the least. Challenge your ideas. Challenge your ideas of what a lesbian should look like. Or what a gay man should look like. Challenge your ideas about yourself and the part you play in making this world a better place.